Never Coming Back
by M.L. Shards
Summary: He smiled sadly; he’d never though he’d see his brother old enough to be getting into that type of trouble, but he was kind of glad he could.
1. Chapter 1

Wow, this is longer than I intended…

It's movieverse because I haven't watched the TV show in YEARS and remember nothing. I also own nothing, just remember that.

* * *

He wasn't a hundred percent sure why he was still hanging around. He hadn't wanted to go down and celebrate with his family before, and he still didn't feel like facing any of the events that were being held in his younger brother's honour. So why he was still at the party was beyond him...

He felt a pang of guilt in his stomach… oh, right.

He'd taken off his mask, his glasses, and stood, face to face with his little brother, something he'd longed to do for years and after Speed had figured out everything, what had he done? He'd lied right to his face and squished himself farther back into a corner of loneliness… He missed his family more than anything else, but it was too late to go back, and his work was important, so the best he could do was watch from afar.

Speed had come in with his family, but when the others had left, the crowd was less than willing to let the new Grand Prix winner out the door and had practically trapped him inside. He'd heard him promise to meet up with them later, but Rex knew Speed wasn't going home tonight, not if he didn't want Pops to tear his head off. Though Rex was across the room, it was pretty obvious to anyone who knew Speed, that he was more than slightly intoxicated.

He wasn't falling off of his chair yet, and he was able to walk without help, but he kept losing his balance at weird moments, and was speaking louder and slurred his words more than normal. Providing his memory was serving him correctly, Speed wasn't turning twenty-one for a few more months and the mass amount of people who'd wanted to buy him a drink after his surprising win were probably the cause of his current state. The bartender had stopped caring at one point and though Speed had initially resisted, it was apparent he'd eventually given in.

He smiled sadly, he'd never though he'd see his brother old enough to be getting into that type of trouble, but he was kind of glad he could.

He watched Speed sign an autograph on a young woman's arm at her request before excusing himself from the crowd, and heading towards the washroom, pinching the bridge of his nose and Rex made a decision, one he knew he would probably regret. He decided that he had robbed his younger brother of any type of older brother help for a long time, so maybe he'd help him out of this jam… just once, just to be able to talk to him and see him again, not in agent mode, like at the racetrack a few nights earlier… then he'd go back to being super secret Racer X and leave his family in peace. He just wanted to be selfish this one time… just once…

He followed Speed into the small washroom, to his brother splashing cold water from the sink onto his face. The younger Racer looked up in the mirror to take a look at the new arrival. "It's you!" He replied, startled by his presence and whipping his head around to look at him.

Rex smirked. "You're drunk." He said, walking closer towards the white clad racer.

"No." Speed replied, stepping forwards, losing his balance and falling onto his old brother, luckily Rex caught him. "Okay… maybe a little…" He admitted, trying to get back onto his feet, but his body wasn't interested in cooperating and Rex needed to support him for a minute while he tried to get his legs to work.

Rex rolled his eyes. "Come on; let's get you out of here. Pops will kill you if he sees you like this."

"Yeah…" Speed replied, the word coming out so slurred, it sounded like, 'Yeech', "But I said I-I'd meet them…"

"Well, we'll get you a hotel room nearby; you can meet up with them in the morning, okay?" Rex replied, feeling more and more like he was talking to the "baby" brother that he'd left years earlier, slowing down his tone and trying to humor him along.

Speed nodded, but the look on his face was fairly blank, so he wasn't sure if he'd actually heard anything he'd suggested.

He was fairly relieved to find that his brother was able to walk better than the episode in the washroom had demonstrated, and he was a pretty skinny guy anyways, so it wasn't hard supporting him as he walked, to make sure he went in the right direction. They were stopped a few times on the way out by more autograph seekers and one redhead who was not to subtle in implying that if Speed and Trixie ever split, she'd be more than willing to "consol" Speed about it. She went as far as to scribble her number in bright red lipstick on a napkin and stuff it in the waistband of his pants.

It took him a while to drag the intoxicated Racer to the nearest hotel after leaving a message with the bartender for Trixie or the others to pick up later, to let them know where Speed was. When he did, it was a young man with salt and pepper hair who served them at the front desk. He soon noticed the man was giving both him and Speed odd looks and he suddenly realized he was supporting the current Grand Prix champion, who was obviously under the drinking age, from falling over due to his own drunkenness and he, the much older, completely sober one was asking for a hotel room for the night.

It probably looked somewhere between I-have-a-bad-feeling-about-this to Quick-call-the-cops bad, but he was saved from any awkward explanations when the man simply gave them a room, and the few others in the lobby of the hotel weren't the racing crowd since they were still out at the various parties so they ignored them.

After getting Speed up to the forth floor where the room was located, he removed his younger brother's jacket and helped him out of his boots before sending him to bed. It was an act the younger Racer did not protest and soon he was sleeping peacefully.

Rex let out a sigh and undid his bowtie and collar to relax more, and sat down on a light brown chair, placing his feet on the table and waited.

Speed was hot headed, but Speed wasn't stupid. If there was anything he shouldn't be doing as a racecar driver, under the drinking age newly discovered celebrity, it was to be getting tipsy in public, or even at all. So what was bothering him? Was he just caught up? Were things with Trixie strained? Was he still upset about Togokhan? He wanted his brother to talk to him, but facing him without a mask was nerve-wracking enough. Speed had almost figured it out before; a heart-to-heart would not be the way to keep his anonymity in tact.

He waited for hours before leaving to pick up a few things from the drugstore. He had a quick nap, but he was trained to operate without sleep when he had to; he sat by his little brother and waited.

He wasn't sure what time it was when he heard the first sound of movement from the bed, the first sound Speed had made in a while, not counting the random mumbling of the night before. He wasn't sure if his brother was just talking in his sleep or was actually awake, but he suspected the latter.

A muffed groan confirmed his suspicions as the body underneath the covers shifted and the head of Speed Racer popped out from underneath the covers. His normally neat dark hair was dishevelled and his eyes half open as he peered around the room, trying to figure out where he was, and avoiding the light that was shining in through the partially opened curtains. He looked confused and it didn't appear to register with him, that there was another person in the room, because when Rex addressed him, Speed nearly jumped out of his own skin.

"About time." Rex sighed as Speed's eyes opened fully and he glanced down to see he was still in his clothes (minus boots and jacket) from the night before. Clearly confused by this information Speed's brain attempted to work it all out, but all it did was add to the throbbing pain in his head and he laid back down on the pillow as Rex disappeared into the bathroom.

"Ow…" Speed moaned, pressing his palm to his forehead, sounding like a three year old who had just scraped their knee on the pavement. "Why does my head…" He trailed off unable to finish the question. "Ow…"

"That's what we call a hangover." Came Rex's patronizing voice from the bathroom a few feet away as he reappeared with a bottle of Advil and set it down on the nightstand.

Speed blinked rapidly, trying to clear the sleep from his eyes. "Ow…" He repeated, as if that was all his voice was willing to say.

"Are you going to throw up?"

"No… ow… where am I?"

"You'll be fine." He headed into the washroom and came back out with a glass of water. He retrieved two pills from the bottle and held the water in his had, just out of Speed's reach. "You were drunk last night, so I got you a hotel room. You're family and Trixie think you were just trying to get away from the media that were sure to be at your house today, Pops doesn't know."

"I don't drink." Speed protested.

Rex raised his voice louder. "Oh really?"

Speed winced at the volume and the throbbing in his head. "Okay, maybe I did, but not usually."

"Why?"

"Hmm?"

"Why'd you get drunk? You're not the type." Rex replied, handing the gel pills over and the glass of water. "Seriously, why?"

Speed wasn't sure why Racer X taking so much care to make sure his father hadn't caught him drinking, after all, he was sure he had better things to do, more along the lines of saving the world… He accepted the pills and water, popping them into his mouth and downing the water. He didn't want to answer that question, and the silence between them became tense as he stared down at the black and green diamond pattern on the comforter.

Rex couldn't help but wonder if maybe his brother was lying and if this wasn't the first time, if it was a more common occurrence. He denied it, but still, he wondered. He knew teenagers would go out and party, and he'd had more than a few rotten eggs in his graduating class, but Speed wasn't like them… he wasn't supposed to be…

"Look," Speed sighed, trying to offer up an answer. "it was an accident, by the time I noticed what people were buying me I was too tipsy to care."

"Bullshit."

"Hey! Back off!" Speed snapped, then immediately regretted it, placing his palm against his forehead. "Sorry… look, you couldn't understand."

"Try me."

Speed let out a sad sigh and sat up a bit straighter in the bed, propping himself up with the numerous pillows at his disposal. "I… I just really wished my brother could have been there… you know, the one I thought you were." Rex felt his face fall, but quickly covered it up. He sounded so sad, it was unlike him. "I mean, it was amazing! He got me into racing and I won the freakin' Grand Prix… I really worshiped him…" Speed readjusted himself on the bed and leaned forwards. "Back in my home town, he holds the lap record at this local track, and I could've beaten it, by a good two seconds! But I couldn't do it, I mean, I took my foot off the accelerator and let everyone think I just wasn't fast enough."

Rex found himself longing for his Racer X outfit, which covered his eyes as he was sure he was giving everything away with the emotion he was showing. "Really?"

"Yeah," Speed admitted. "And then you came and all the conspiracy theories I'd made up about him faking his death and stuff all became suddenly plausible, and then you weren't… aren't him…" He sighed, rubbing his forehead. "It was like losing him all over again. I was just feeling depressed and opportunity knocked…"

Rex felt the familiar pang of guilt in his stomach expand to encompass his entire chest cavity. Years of practice had made him an expert of controlling his facial features, and while he longed to hold his brother and comfort him and tell him everything, his face was as blank as a sheet. "I'm sure he's very proud of you."

Speed flushed, embarrassed by what he'd just revealed. "Sorry, I don't know why I'm telling you this."

"It's okay."

There were a few moments of silence. "So why'd you do this?" Speed asked. "The hotel and the excuse, why?"

"You've been through enough crap already, I don't think you deserve a lecture or media coverage on under age drinking to top it all off." He paused and placed a finger under his brother's chin, tilting his gaze up to meet his own. "I'm a secret agent… not a regular guy who you could watch football with or restore cars with. I don't make friends easily Speed, but you really went out on a limb for my organization, and for me. You saved my ass numerous times at Casa Cristo and I'm proud to count you among the few friends I have. This is the least I could do after all you've done for me."

Speed stared at him wide eyed as he dropped his arm back to his side. He'd heard Racer X speak of justice and peace, but never had he sounded so serious. He gave a small smile. "Thank you, X."

"I have to go." Rex said. In reality he had nowhere to go, but he was very close to breaking down and telling his brother everything if he didn't get out of the room fast. "Your coat and boots are in the closet. Check out is noon, so you can try to sleep off your headache for a few more hours."

Speed nodded, and glanced down, pulling the lipstick covered napkin out of the waistband of his pants and staring at it in disbelief. Rex took one last look at his brother, unsure if he'd ever see him this close up again, before turning and leaving, heading down to where his car was parked, still in his suit from the night before. Once he reached his car, he climbed into the driver's seat and waited.

He was the one causing his brother's pain, and possibly pushing him down a path of substance abuse (though it was unlikely Speed was going to go drinking again anytime soon after experiencing a headache like that). Then he had the nerve to claim he was his friend. He had the nerve to try and comfort him.

He leaned over and rested his forehead on the steering wheel and closed his eyes.

He was going to hell…

* * *

Please Review


	2. Chapter 2

He let out a sigh, tilting his head to the side in order to get underneath the over hanging on the house, shaking his umbrella out as he did. He wasn't sure why he was here, but when it came to Speed, that was a reoccurring theme for Rex Racer. A white cardboard box that was tucked under his arm, threatened to fall onto the ground as he rested the umbrella on the edge of the door.

It had been four months since the Grand Prix, since he'd last seen his brother in anything but magazines with accompanying headlines trying to make the squeaky clean Racer appear scandalous. Well, there was that whole underage drinking thing, but no one was paying much attention around that time, they were too caught up in congratulating him to notice him stumbling over chairs…

It was eleven o'clock, late for the Racer household and what had possessed him to knock on the door as opposed to leaving the box in the garage like he'd planned, he didn't know. He knew Speed would probably laugh at the contents in it, but he knocked on the door and waited.

Four months… he let out a sigh, glancing behind him at the thunderstorm in progress. Helping Speed out at the party had been the worst thing Racer X had ever done for himself. He hadn't been able to concentrate ever since, he drove different, he acted different, Detector noticed it, but was nice enough to address the subject with sympathy. Contact with the Racers wasn't forbidden, Rex had just preferred to avoid them in order to become detached from them, but after helping Speed…

So many memories came back to him, memories of helping his brother in the car when he wasn't old enough to drive yet. There were memories of consoling him and talking to his teachers on behalf of his parents who were often wrapped up in Rex's own career choice and he found his brain was trying to kill him. It began rationalizing reasons to visit the Racers, not so much Mom, or Pops, but Speed.

What brother misses his little brother's twenty-first birthday? Who does that? You're in the area anyways, so why not wish him a Happy Birthday? Those words and others forced him to where he was right now, standing, in the rain at night, waiting for someone to answer the door… Apparently his mind and emotions didn't care if his life could be at stake because of this…

As he thought it, it happened, and a slightly disheveled Speed (clearly confused as to who was coming to visit at this time of night) appeared, clad only in a pair of blue and green plaid pajama pants with the word _Blazers _embroidered across one knee. "Hello?" Speed asked hesitantly and Rex watched as his brother's brain began to kick into a higher gear and he recognized him as Racer X. "Oh! Come in." He stepped to the side and allowed his older brother to enter the house.

Rex felt his heart hurt as he looked around the practically unchanged house. The bright colours, so unique to the Racer house hadn't lost any of their brightness, even in the dark of a thunderstorm. Speed closed to door behind him, and it was then Rex realized he'd left his umbrella outside. He let out a sigh. He'd get it later.

"Where is everyone?" Rex asked, noting the lack of people in the normally filled house.

"Spritle's sleeping and Mom, Pops, Sparky, and Trixie were out doing some press work in New York and were supposed to be back yesterday, but there was a storm, so they'll be back sometime tomorrow evening." Speed replied flatly, glancing down at the ground and wiping his hand on his thigh. He glanced up at Rex curiously, still embarrassed from their previous encounter. "Why are you here?"

Rex stared at him uncomprehendingly for a moment, before remembering the box that he was carrying with him. He held it out to Speed who backed up out of reflex. The last time someone had given him a mysterious box things had ended up with him losing the first car he'd ever owned, but Trixie had thought his family was really cool after that…

"It's a present." Rex sighed, rolling his eyes. "It doesn't bite." He pushed the box forwards, and Speed hesitantly accepted it, as Rex pulled his wet coat off and threw it over the back of a nearby chair.

"You brought me a present…" Speed said slowly. He was not quite sure why Racer X would do that, he didn't seem like the type to go around distributing presents… "Why would you do that?"

"Happy Birthday." Rex supplied, and watched as his brother's spirits instantly lifted.

Speed's gaze was redirected from the box, over to his brother, and small smile on his lips. "How'd you-" He began, but Rex shook his head and he stopped. "Th-thank you…" He looked back down at the box, walking towards the living room, before stopping and realizing he wasn't being the best of hosts. "Uh… do you want something to drink?"

"A beer would be great."

"Right." Speed said, with a firm nod, redirecting his steps towards the kitchen before looking down at himself. "Shirt first, then drink." He said, placing the box on the kitchen counter, and then disappearing into his room for a minute, before reappearing, wearing a light blue shirt with _Racer Motors _printed on the front in black. He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and handed it to Rex, who had removed his wet shoes and followed Speed into the kitchen.

Rex smiled sadly. That had been his shirt, the one he'd wear when he'd helped his father fix up cars. Speed would sometimes steal it from the laundry and wear it as pajamas, since it had been long enough to cover his knees at the time. Now, now, it looked almost too small on his legally an adult brother. He hadn't taken it when he'd stormed out of the house all those years ago, and he guess Speed had continued to wear it… He was amazed it hadn't fallen apart yet.

"Where does he keep the stupid opener?" Speed muttered to himself, searching through various kitchen draws.

"It's okay," Rex replied softly, popping the cap off using the corner of the counter. He dropped the cap onto the kitchen table and took a seat while Speed closed the draws and moved to sit across from his older brother.

"Did you really come all this way to wish me a 'Happy Birthday'?" Speed asked curiously, leaning forwards in his chair, not unlike when he'd been talking to Rex those months ago.

"Sure." Rex replied, taking a sip of his drink, before offering a sip to Speed. "It's legal now. Not that it mattered much to you before."

Speed winced. "Not one of my proudest moments…" He admitted.

Rex shrugged. "Whatever kid."

Speed contemplated it for a moment and took a small sip of the drink, while he titled the bottle up, Rex noticed something he'd never seen before, and it caused him to nearly choke on air.

His brother was wearing a silver coloured wedding band on his left hand.

"Are you married?" Rex asked in disbelief as Speed handed the drink back to him.

Speed glanced down at his hand, as if suddenly remembering he was wearing the ring. He flushed. "Um… sort of"

"How are you sort of married?"

"Okay, I am…"

Rex's face fell; he didn't even try to cover it up. He'd never considered that he'd never be able to see his brother get married or have children. The thought had never crossed his mind when he left… Speed wasn't supposed to grow up so fast; he wasn't supposed to grow up at all actually… Married? No, this didn't… what?

His brother was married? What kind of brother missed his brother's wedding? His brain was back again, trying to make him tell Speed everything so he could come crawling back into the family and see everyone again, and see his brother, and get to know Trixie and… "How long?"

"Not long, about a month…" Speed explained, shifting nervously in his chair. "Trixie and I…well, we've been together since we were twelve, after the whole Grand Prix thing, we just sort of felt it was time. I mean, she's been through everything with me, and stood up for me and fought for me, I have all these fans who are nuts" He paused as he remembered one girl who had attempted to mail herself to him. "We just decided to get married, Mom and Pops freaked out when they found out though…"

He nearly choked again. "You didn't tell them?"

"We kind of went to Vegas." Speed admitted shyly, looking down at the table. "We knew they'd freak out… and they did for about a week, but they're fine with it now. Nothing has changed around the house, except Mom's starting to talk about grandchildren and it's getting kind of creepy…" He let out a sigh. "Why do I do this around you? I keep getting sucked into talking about everything…"

Rex swallowed uncomfortably and took another sip of his drink. "Open your present." He said, hoping to divert the conversation.

Speed looked down, remembering and drawing the small box closer and lifting the lid. His small smile broke into a grin and small burst of laughter as he removed the object out of the box. "You brought me a cupcake?" He asked in disbelief, pulling the small treat of the box. On top of it, a huge pile of bluish-purple icing and a small plastic ring in the shape of a racecar completed the adorable image and Speed scooped out a small amount of the icing to taste it. "Hmm, blueberry, my favorite." He sighed, licking the sugar off of his finger.

He knew that already, that's why he bought it… Rex smiled softly. "Glad you approve."

Speed plucked the small racecar ring off and placed it on the table, making a note to give it to Trixie as a gift later. "Thank you… I mean… you don't know how nice this is. The rest of my family was really upset that they were stuck in New York today, and you just sort of showed up to save the day again."

Rex shrugged. "It's what I do."

"Well, it means a lot." Speed paused. "Do you have a family?"

"I think we all have moms…"

"You know what I mean."

Rex bit his bottom lip and shook his head. "Can't tell you, kid."

Speed looked down again, suddenly remembering Rex's speech from months earlier. "Oh… " He began awkwardly "right."

They talked for a while. Weird bits of conversation, but comfortable, Speed wasn't sure why he felt so comfortable around the mysterious racer, but there was something in the air that made silences less awkward. He didn't find the offering of a cupcake to be creepy since Racer X was nearly a total stranger, he found it sweet, and he felt a real friendship with the older man.

Rex found himself relaxing dangerously and finally forced himself to leave after Speed discovered Spritle listening in on their conversation. As he said goodbye, Speed did something Rex never would have expected.

He hugged him.

It was a simple hug to demonstrate friendship, and it wasn't like they hadn't had any physical contact since Rex had become Racer X, but he felt his legs go weak, and tears form in his eyes. The hug had all of Speed's love and trust put into it, something he didn't feel he deserved.

He had to leave, now.

He pushed Speed off of him as politely as he could and excused himself, picking up his umbrella as he left and walked out into the rain. He knew he was just torturing himself by coming to see his brother and had no one to blame but himself, he knew he should leave and only come back when the family was in danger. Only come back as Racer X…

But he knew he'd keep coming back, unable to say anything or do anything. He'd only be able to talk to Speed in lies and riddles. His brain was trying to kill him after all, asking him questions that he couldn't answer, like, what kind of brother does that?

* * *

Freakin' plot bunnies…

So it was supposed to be a oneshot, but then this came and… well, I don't know if it'll be longer than this. We need Rex Speed brother angsty stuff and if I get more ideas I suppose I'll post more, but I make no guarantees.

Please Review.


End file.
